Autonomy..or, in other words…Nobody Owns Me…

au*ton*o*my
[au-ton-uh-mee ]
-Noun
Independence or freedom, as of the will or one’s actions.

A strange phenomenon has been occurring in my family for my whole life – wherever there was work to be done, advice to be given and opportunity to be had, my father – an educated, independent, successfully self-made man – would be in its midst, energized by the possibilities which lay within each endeavor. Today, despite being “retired”, he is busier than ever…his dance card full helping internal constituents with neither the intent nor expectation of remuneration – even more of a unique phenomenon!

I never understood where the desire, far less for the energy, to enthusiastically keep working/exploring/helping came from…to me, work was work. If it was supposed to be fun, they would have called it fun. A means to make a living, pay bills, exert some effort and hopefully make good on the education I had been given. Quite frankly, at times work felt like drudgery and at other times a drain on my psyche.

The latter mindset and emotions led me, over one year ago, to reevaluate my position literally and figuratively. I simply could not make myself subscribe to the daily grind any longer and felt as though I was not only wasting my own time, but more importantly wasting everyone else’s because nothing I did came from my heart. (my brain was fried at this stage, too, but we won’t mention that.) Despite how risk-averse a being I am, I took the greatest risk: electing to walk away from it all with not even a solid Plan B, and re-evaluate…

Then a strange turn of events occurred – some may call it irony, others destiny.

… I was afforded the opportunity (and I do not use that word lightly) to resume parts of my former position, but only those parts which capitalized on my strengths and to which I could legitimately contribute, without being tied to the balance of responsibilities my former position held. I know what you are thinking, because I was, too! Surely, too good to be true. I was hesitant at best, and concerned that I was walking right back through the doors from whence I’d come and this time, the doors would slap me as they swung closed behind me on my way back in. But, grateful for the opportunity and wanting in part to give back to the employers who had been so good to me during my tenure, I made a vow to entertain the offer and contribute what I could… a win-win for us all, I told myself.

But if I am to be honest- I am the big winner. For I have learned the difference - the difference between: doing because you have to versus doing because you want to; doing what you are inherently good at and enjoy versus doing what is demanded with no choice other than to comply; doing when there is the opportunity to take a risk and learn something versus doing when there is the risk of losing yourself. And most importantly, the difference between doing what I can within my own limits, therefore producing a high quality result with mettle and energy left for the next endeavor – versus overextending myself for the sake of getting the job done and losing the desire to do anymore…then,everyone loses.

And although I know not what the future holds, be it another full-time position or a continuation of this semi-entrepreneurial exploratory phase, I will take the lessons and gifts that autonomy has brought me, fear not the possibility of defining both my strengths and boundaries, and ensure that the extent of my efforts remain my own choice, driven by my own motivation, and reflective of the fact that nobody owns me.

Wishing You Success in Finding Your Own Autonomy,
Natalya