ASK..and You SHALL Receive
One of the first things people notice about my blog is its tag line: ” He who is afraid of asking is afraid of learning.” I chose this particular proverb because, in one simple phrase, it zeroes in on two fundamentals actions and one core emotion, which may tie together to produce a result or stand in the way of one:
- Asking
- Learning
- Fear
It should be really quite simple: Ask a question and the answer follows. Right? We learned to ask questions in school, at work, among colleagues, and peers; there is even a search engine begging people to just ASK…yet many of the most important and life-changing questions never do get asked. And if not asked, we will never know the outcome, whether positive or negative. And therein lies the problem! We often do not think we can face the answer if it is not positive, i.e. not the answer for which we’re hoping.
I know many who have huge issues with asking. I count myself as one at times, even! It’s as though, to ask is to reveal some covert weakness or underlying agenda, and the answer to the question or request would surely render the requestor rejected and open to criticism. But that’s because we may be too emotionally attached to both the questions and any resulting answers and can no longer see the request objectively. It’s only when we observe the act of others’ asking, and the resounding results that we can maintain perspective:
Case Study 1: the loyal employee who has done his/her work diligently and with increasingly positive feedback for years, and taken on more responsibility when asked. Yet, this same employee wonders why his/her rate of pay has not increased when he/she knows for a fact that other colleagues’ rates have. Simply put, our employee of the year never asked and the only reward he/she will ever get is the blue medal of submissiveness. My advice to said employee: look in the mirror, are you confident enough in your work to believe it warrants an increase? Why aren’t you worth the same rate as your colleague “Bob”? Bob has asked consistently every year and justified his increase with each new project and responsibility. You took for granted that you should keep doing what you are doing, and just be grateful for what you’re getting. Noble and all, but not very lucrative nor necessary is it?
Case Study 2: the dedicated parents who simply cannot afford to send their child to “school A” – a highly-rated private school, though they know that the resources at this school are precisely what their child needs to succeed. They’ve done comparison shopping and know that they can afford “school B” – the competitively priced, less highly rated private school down the block, but that would be settling. So, what are the parents’ options? They can convince themselves that “school B” will have to do because it is what they can afford, and school B is still better than the public school for which they’re zoned…OR, our parents can do the unthinkable: they can ASK for a meeting with the principal of school A, perhaps even invite him out for lunch, and explain their dilemma. Explain why they believe school A is a cut above the others and right for the future growth of their child. They can cite the price presented by school B and ASK if school A will match it. Of course, the principal may laugh or even snarl at them, and ask them why they believe their child deserves the same education at a discounted rate as others paying full price…fully embarrassing the parents and shutting down their request. And so, the parents must choose if the possibility outweighs the risk.
The above “case studies” are based on true lives and stories, with names changed to protect the identities of those involved. 
What do you think the outcomes of scenarios 1 & 2 are? Well, I won’t ask the reader to suspend its disbelief any further! Both parties asked…and received: the employee received her much deserved raise, and the parents won over the principal of school A with their honesty and dedication to their child.
Needless to say, the outcome may not always be as positive nor in your favor. But the aforementioned parties would be no better off and perhaps worse off, had they not ASKED.
So, the next time you have a question or request, remember that wherever a great dilemma exists so may a great opportunity.
Wherever the biggest questions exist, the greatest growth may, as well – but how will you know if you don’t ask? And if, when you ask, you don’t receive – that may be its own opportunity; for wherever the disappointment exists or the answer is not what you expected, there is the opportunity to grow and learn from it, too.
Wishing You Success the next time you ask…
Natalya
